Perfectionist. Choosy. Fussy. Late.
Yes, I was always late for submission. That was who I am during matriculation centre. I am the one who always wanted to produce only the perfect drawings and sketches. Every sketches I produced, I’ll make sure it was perfect for submission. Or at least, it looked perfect.
For me, perfection is something that I can create. Thus I tried to make each lines and strokes perfectly done. Sometimes, my first few lines in the sketch might look awful, so-not-me-kind-of-stroke. But I still can make them look perfect with the right type of rendering. But for perspective drawings, sometimes when they looked awkwardly distorted, I will just redo them again. Because distorted perspectives can never be perfected to matter what media I use.
And these are things that always made me submitted my works late. And as the result, I often lost my mark because of late submission, even though my works were perfect. And even though one of my lecturers said, ‘Nice sketch. I know you are a perfectionist, but you are late.’ Sigh…
Guess, I never learnt the lesson. In fact I always realize that life can never be perfect. But as far as I can, perfection is something that I want to achieve. So I try my best to be the perfect staff for my boss. Each projects, each tasks, will be done perfectly, but since in working environment, late means money, I try to catch up everything and make sure that everything is perfectly completed within schedule. Even though I have to burn my midnight oil. Even though I have to do it alone. Because I am willing to. Because I want to see the perfection.
I try to do the same thing in my life too. I want perfection, as long as they are within my capabilities. I myself am not perfect, but I have a degree, a career, a little something that can make me proud, I cook, clean, wash.
I love to expand my knowledge. My future planning consists of a perfect successful career/business, a perfectly loving future husband, a dream simple garden wedding on 20.10.2010, a perfect home, and a perfect family of my own. I do regret things that came across and scratched my perfect future planning. But there are price that I have to pay. I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I am late. But nothing seems to be perfect.
Guess I need an angel by my side whispering, “Hey, ‘perfect’ is a word created in the dictionary by those who are dreamers, GB. Wake up!”
I hope I am not too late to realize. I am opening up my eyes now.
What makes your day?
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